Weight Loss Journey, Entry June 10, 2014

June 10, 2014  

Last night I was reading "Paper Towns" and I went downstairs. It was before midnight. I ate a few Cheez It Grooves and a Smooze (80 calories). I don't know what's wrong with me. How can I keep praying to lose weight when I purposely eat at midnight? Oh gosh, I'll be fat the rest of my life at this rate. 

                                                                                                                                                             

Smooze is a fruit ice treat I get from Whole Foods. It's super delicious and a great substitute for ice cream cravings. The best part is that it is low in calories. 

From their website: Smooze is the perfect way of capturing the freshness of the fruit and coconut milk. Smooze is rich in vitamin C and contains no high fructose corn syrup, no preservatives, no cholesterol, no trans fat, no artificial flavors and Smooze is vegan/dairy free and gluten free. 

Weight Loss Journey, Entry May 21, 2014

The struggle with eating continues....

May 21, 2014

Such a fat cow. Why would or should I expect anyone to desire me? 

I wish I had the ability to control my eating. I'm out of whack. I'm screwed up. Been this way several years now. I'm fat. My husband too. One of us needs to get in shape and motivate the other. 

When I feel like pigging out I'm glad he understands. But other days I wish he would slap that cookie out of my hand. But he's not going to. Because he knows I would do it back to him and he doesn't want that. When am I going to hate being a big tub of lard more than I love food? I fail everyday. Everday I fail at my eating. Everyday is the start of a new day which means I failed the day before. 

Frustrated.

(Later same day)

This is the daily reminder on my phone. 

Eat differently, things haven't changed in years. 

Eat differently. Think differently. Change your habits. 

Weight Loss Journey, Entry May 12, 2014

I've had many days like this...eating when I'm not really hungry and eating until I feel sick.

May 12, 2014

Stormy Day

Why do I eat until I feel sick? I started off this morning pretty well. I ate egg whites, avocado and some corn chips & ginger tea.

When Erik got home from school I was slightly hungry but once I started eating I couldn't stop until I felt ill. I was aware of what I was doing but it's like I couldn't control myself. I'm so mad at my myself. What is wrong with me?