Farewell Christopher Robin

Change happens whether we want it or not; seasons, people, minds, friends, and life changes. There's an unwelcome change happening in our household.  My 11-year old son's voice is changing.  I am jarred to my core every time his smooth childish voice cracks and a deep voice breaks through in the middle of a sentence.  I don’t recognize this new voice.  This deep voice clangs as a warning bell of a new chapter entering my life. The deep voice also symbolizes more changes:  the process of emptying toy boxes, buying deodorant, loss of control, cell phones and data plans, making room in the closet for fashionable clothes and shoes, and worst of all, not being able to kiss or hug the grown up hurts away. Then it will be me alone living with 3 men.  I am NOT ready for this!

Every night I give my son a good night kiss and as I walk away the practical feeling of he’s getting too old for bedtime kisses fights my emotional ties.  I just want to hold onto the adolescent for a few more years. It’s times such as these that make me regret not cherishing more moments before tweendom. I wanted him to grow, mature, and catch up with his peers so I never expected this melancholy feeling.   

In this moment I feel like Winnie the Pooh saying good bye to Christopher Robin. I feel as if I'm standing in the doorway of the last chapter waving a tearful good bye to a small child who's walking away.  It is a bittersweet moment and the tears are one-sided.  I'm saying goodbye to softness, good bye tickling/cuddling, good bye stuffed animals and good bye to being the center of my child’s universe.  The child is smiling and eager for new adventures and happy to be independent and saying “Hello, world!”

As I'm sadly watching the child getting smaller in the distance there's a tween with a cracking voice who is as tall as me trying to enter through the doorway without an invitation. I look at him, pause and accept that children grow up and I welcome him inside.  Before I shut the door I look out once more to see the child cresting the horizon into a bright future.

Excerpt from "The World of Pooh"  Chapter 10

Christopher Robin was going away.  Nobody knew why he was going; nobody knew where he was going; indeed, nobody even knew why he knew that Christoper Robin was going away.  But somehow or other everybody in the Forest felt that it was happening at last. 

"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded.
"I promise," he said.
Still with his eyes on the world Christopher Robin put out a hand and felt for Pooh's paw. 
'"Pooh," said Christopher Robin earnestly, "if I--if I'm not quite------" he stopped and tried again----"Pooh, whatever happens, you will understand, won't you?"
"Understand what?"
"Oh, nothing" He laughed and jumped to his feet. "Come on!"
"Where?" said Pooh.
"Anywhere," said Christopher Robin. 

I MISS THIS GUY!