Weight Loss Journey, Entry April 24, 2014

This is my second journal entry. I've already posted page 1 of my Weight Loss Journal. I've actually been writing about my weight for over 30 years but last year I made an official journal dedicated soley to weight loss.

I'm going to be as transparent as I can be about my struggles to lose weight. It is embarassing but I am only human. I am not perfect and I definitely struggle with food addiction. I have an addictive personality. Looking back on my life I've always been addicted to something whether it was muscians, drugs, shopping, smoking, collecting stuff, couponing, etc. Believe it or not, I was actually addicted to exercising in my 7th and 8th years of middle school but that phase went away when I got into high school. So now in my mature years I've turned to food because it is the only legal "drug" I can do and it's cheaper than being a shopaholic. The problem is that we all need to eat so it's not like people can see my food addiction like we can see a drug addict's problem.

What really doesn't help my situation is that I am an emotional eater. I use food to numb my feelings. I'm trying so hard to find a new way to deal with my emotions. I wish I was one of those types of girls who don't eat when they are emotional, but sadly I'm the type of girl that likes to eat junk food to assuage my feelings of turmoil.

The reason why this entry is from last year is because I didn't want to post my current journal entries without showing what I was going through and thinking last year.

Drawbacks of my journaling:  I am not consistent in writing in my journal so there will be huge gaps between dates. There is also misspelling and lack of proper English in my entries because I'm lazy and sometimes my hand starts to hurt so I rush through it.

I wrote this entry in April but it was about December 2013 so that is why there is winter embellishments on it.
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April 24, 2014

THIS TIME WILL BE THE LAST TIME I WILL SAY THESE WORDS

The last time I said "Screw it!" I don't care!" was this past December (2013). Those are very dangerous words. Every time I've said this and really meant it I gained weight. It's not good to despair or give up hope no matter what I feel emotionally and mentally. Last year I lost 10 lbs and was down to 165. I kept it off.
My dear friends from childhood, Julie R, msged me and said she would visit between Sept-Dec (for a Cowboy game). I thought I would use her visit as motivation to lose weight since we have not seen each other in over 20 years. Even though I knew she was coming I didn't have the right mind set. My head was not in the right place with dad's death. I always felt like something was wrong. I just struggled to keep the 10 lbs off. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around I felt like it was too late. Then Julie posted pics of her and her daughter in Paris and I saw how teen-tiny she was. I clearly remember thinking I'll never lose enough weight to make a difference before Julie visits so just SCREW IT I'm going to eat. And eat I did. I gained weight. So when Julie visited right after Christmas I was gross. Julie is so petite and I think she's the same size as we were in middle school. I feel like a monster next to her. I hate the pics from her visit. I look like a cow. The cherry on top was I broke out with allergies around my eyes so I had extra wrinkles making me look older.

So I must be aware and super determined to not give in the next time I say "screw it" and just eat. I need to work hard and keep it together. No more falling apart. Stop letting food assuage my emtions. In 2008 when I was very emotional about my husband (and his thing from 2001) I had just eaten a big breakfast and was sitting on the couch watching TV. I started to eat RiceWorks chips and I thought "I should stop eating" and then I thought "Who cares? My husband was attracted to a girl bigger than me. So it doesn't matter." And then I just ate non-stop. I think that day the death toll rang. Because my health deteriorated after that. I think not eating right, hating myself and not exercising caused health problems. Joseph Prince said when we hate ourselves the body breaks down.

So I'm on a new journey towards health. I don't hate myself, Bill and I have a fantastic marriage, and my mind set has changed. I just need the determination and self control. I need the Holy Spirit to really help me. I think I also ate because my spirit was hungry. Instead of feeding my spirit with the word of God I ate physically. But I'm back to reading the word too. I pray this time I finally lose weight and keep it off.

 

Foodie Journal, page 2

Yes, I am one of those people.  I take pictures of my food. This is page 2 of my Foodie Journal. 

Piranha's Killer Sushi

Several Locations in Texas

I really like this restaurant. I have not encountered a bad meal yet. When Piranha's opened a few years back there they had a chef that was also an artist. If our cell phones had cameras back then I would have taken multiple pics of the beautiful works of art we were served. I am talking about arranging the food to look like sculptures. These pics are from the location in South Arlington which recently went through some renovations. The food no longer looks like artwork but it is still delicious. I wish I could cook Asian food like this.

I believe this is Korean Beef Tenderloin. 

Blue Crab Fried Rice (already ate half before I remembered to take pic)

Chocolate Angel Tea Room

2 Locations:  Richardson and Plano, Tx.

This is definitely a girlie girl's tea room. There were several ladies wearing big hats and dressed up. The decor is shabby chic and it really is quite lovely inside. Although the day we took this pic it was over 100 degrees outside I felt so light and cool when I walked in because the colors are muted and airy. The menu consists of salad, soup, sandwiches and of course, tea. The food is affordable and tasty. Bonus: there are a few other fantastic boutiques in the same shopping strip at the Richardson location.

Half chicken salad sandwich, tomato soup and salad. 

 SmashBurger 
National Chain

To be honest I have not yet had a regular beef patty burger. I always get chicken burger which can be fried or grilled. My boys tell me the beef burgers are the bomb.  I especially love the veggie frites and the smash fries with rosemary seasoning.

 For those who want less calories try the grilled chicken burger.

 Fireside Pies
Dallas, Plano and Grapevine locations

I adore the name of this restaurant. It just gives me warm fuzzies inside. We ate outside on the patio on a chilly winter night because there was a fireplace to keep us warm. It was bit dark though, not enough lighting making the ambience really great for lovers but for a family it was hard to see each other. A bit of an eye strain. The prices are a bit high for the amount of food you get.  The pizzas are not very big and cost $13-14. I would guess that they are about 10" pizzas. This is from the Grapevine location.

Come on!  That's all the salad you're going to give me for $13?!

Pei Wei

National Chain

When Pei Wei had asian cooks the food was excellent. In the past few years it has really gone downhill and it's just become a Panda Express. This day there must have been an experienced cook because the food was pretty good and not bland.

Krispy Kreme

National Chain

If doughnuts were good for my health and shrunk my waistline I'd be here every weekend. I especially adore that they glaze their chocolate covered doughnuts. Glaze and chocolate. Mmmmm....free goo. It's just genius. Some people say they don't like KK because they glaze the chocolate doughnuts. Why do I associate with these people? When I get a chocolate donut from other places and the bottom half is just fried dough with no sweetness I realize it was the wrong choice. Plain fried dough. Does that sound good? No, no it does not.

Fall flavored donuts: cotton candy and apple caramel.

 (I can spell donuts like this since they spell crispy with a K).

Olive Garden
National Chain

I find Olive Garden to be a hit or miss. Their salad is usually a hit, but sometimes their entrées can be a miss. When my homemade Italian food tastes better than the restaurant it is a definite miss. This Seafood Brodetto is a hit espcially on a cold winter's evening. 

Seafood Brodetto: scallops, shrim and delicate tilapia with spinach and mushrooms simmered in a light white wine and marinar-saffron broth. Served with toasted ciabatta bread.

Frozen Birthday Card

I share a birthday with one of my nieces. Though we are 35 years apart we love the same things such as Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, art and making desserts. This year I decided to make her a card for her birthday. I was sort of straining my brain for ideas for a pre-teen. I didn't want a card that was too juvenille nor too old and unrelatable. Thankfully I happened to look in my Stampler's Sampler magazine from 2012. SS had a cupcake challenge and had published the contributors' artwork and it inspired me. 

The lady in the picture above used striped paper for the paper liner but I used the backside of a Starbucks sleeve instead because it has the ridges similar to a cupcake liner. 

 

 

spray ink on cardboard sleeve

I just copied the outline of the icing from the magazine and shaded the edges. The rest of the card was easy peasy because I used Frozen character stickers, Olaf ribbon and cut out the letters on the Cricut. For the snow on the letters I used mica flakes. Add a few embellishments, put Olaf on foam tape so he is slightly higher than the cupcake and ta-da the card is done. 

(Ugh. I need to take photography lessons. I see the shadows now on my computer screen.)

The mica flakes around the letters was actually a happy accident. I used the Xyron to turn the letters into stickers and the edges were still sticky. So when I poured the mica on the flourish some of it got on the letters and I realized it looked cool so I just poured mica on all of it. 

I was told that my niece loves her card and in return she sent me a beautiful drawing of Persephone.